Well Spring Break has (basically) come to an end. By this time tomorrow, I will be back on campus to hack my way through the rest of the semester.

Never before have I felt more apathetic, or even angry, about going back to campus after a break. It’s quite odd, mainly because I’ve never felt like this before.

I remember very intensely after Winter Term last year how much I didn’t want to go back because I knew I’d be homesick (I spent last Winter Term doing an internship in Chicago, so I spent seven weeks with my family concurrently). This is an extremely different feeling…I just feel done with it all (and not in a “I’m so above this” sort of way). I’m tired, emotionally, physically and mentally.

And yet, I know I can’t stay here at home. It’s almost not real. I got to sit through three hours of being patronized and lectured by my voice teacher from here and realized that, if I were here, I’d have to continue getting this kind of treatment. This is not to say that I don’t love or appreciate my teacher for what she’s done for me- I mean, without her, I probably wouldn’t be where I am right now. In fact, I haven’t a clue what I would be doing, so I am grateful for that.

It’s times like these that I’m reminded of what I’ve heard so many times from my mom- that, in a weird way, everything seems to work out for the best. I believe in God, heck I even go to church every week, but I still find it odd how things play out sometimes. Maybe if my faith was stronger, I would default to the mindset that everything’s going to be alright, but it’s not, which is probably why I find it so weird.

“Look to God, do not be afraid” is what I think at times like this, when I get all “woe is me” in a funk. It’s from one of my favorite church songs. I can still remember the first time I ever heard it, I was singing with my church choir and we performed it before the service on Thanksgiving Day (it’s entitled “In the Lord, I’ll be ever thankful”, so that only makes sense).

There is a light at the end of the tunnel…I just have to learn how to enjoy the time in the tunnel itself

-MJ