So today is the last day of my Fall Break…I head back to ye olde Greencastle this morning, only to start the whole craziness all over again with a rehearsal for Natural Selection. I love the show; it’s me getting it right that’s troubling me…
There was a bilingual Mass and multicultural celebration at my parish church today. I think the most beautiful thing about it was making music in both Spanish and English with a choir of people that are singing for the sole reason that they like it. I was also ridiculously happy to see that the parish was able to come together to celebrate as a community…I wish we could all do that sometimes, just get together and celebrate being a community. I think it’s a beautiful and fulfilling thing.
I was freaking out about the fact that I hadn’t utilized my time over fall break (given that last Sunday through Wednesday I hadn’t really started anything; it actually gave birth to this blog, hmm) and my mom demonstrated this amazing knack she has for going with the flow. She just said “It’s done with; I’m sure everything will work out fine.” (or something along those lines) And it’s not the first time she’s said that either…Sometimes I wish I could have that sense of how things are out of my hands (to some degree) and that everything will work out for the best. I suppose it’s mostly due to the fact that I’m a hopeless control freak who worries about everything (sounds like a catch, eh ladies?) I really admire my mom for having that ability to just take what life gives you.
I found my portfolio from my British Literature class my Freshman year of high school. There was a poem in there that sort of captures how I’m feeling/have felt about life. We wrote poems, trying to mimic Romantic aspects. It’s actually kind of sad that I wrote this poem as a Freshman in high school and I still feel this way now…
My whole life, I have ridden on the train
Going downtown, into the big city.
The thrill of the journey
The excitement of a new experience.
I used to pretend I was the conductor,
I would call the stops,
Tell everyone to board the train.
I always thought I would be a train conductor
When I grew up.
The train isn’t what it was.
Now it’s a routine,
Day in and day out
On the train, off the train.
It’s a machine recording calling the stops,
Not a person for that anymore.
I see all the people on the train,
And it makes me wonder…
“Did they ever dream of being a train conductor?
Did they ever get excited about riding the train?”
Everyone looks so sullen, so bored.
Now the train is just another trip,
Not a special experience,
Not what it was
I used to look out the windows of the train,
See all the buildings, the landscape.
Going into the Loop with its soaring skyscrapers,
Over the bright, sparkling river…
It used to be incomparable,
Now it’s just another bridge to cross,
Another station to stop at.
When I hear the recording,
It makes me realize…
For the better,
For the worse.
I’ll never live my dream…
It’s gone now,
But the train will always be there…