Finally made it to Spring Break, and realized that I hadn’t been here in a while.
One of the hardest things to fathom is that, in about 8 weeks, I will have completed my second year at DePauw, my half way point. I’ve learned, laughed, grown and spent time with wonderful people.
Yet, somehow, I find myself in the midst of emotional turmoil that I am so unsure of it scares me. It’s not even the turmoil itself that bothers me, but the fact that I just don’t know what to do.
I’m hoping this week away from DePauw allows me to clear my head, my thoughts, sort out my feelings and come back renewed to take on the world again. I want to rest, run, practice, learn, laugh and just relax (doesn’t really sound like relaxing if I put it all like that, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out along the way).
I’ve always believed that I could figure things out along the way, and yet that’s not always true. Just spending two years at DePauw has shown me how valuable preparation is to anything one does, and I’m constantly in awe of those people who are aware of it enough to do it and do it well.
The funny thing about emotions is how mercurial, fickle and changing they can be. It’s never as clear cut as we all wish they could be. We spend time in gray areas, not knowing what to do, where to go and how to react. Sometimes these gray areas are defining in our lives, sometimes they are agonizingly confusing, leaving us to wonder at what we’ve done (or not done) and sometimes (to quote U2) it leaves us stuck in a moment we can’t get out of.
The ironic thing about that song is that it ends with “It’s just a moment/This time will pass”. At times, it’s really hard to see the light at the end of that tunnel, to think that things will be different than the way they are, mainly because of the unknown that comes with that change-if the difference will be good or bad.
Let’s see where this journey takes us…Spring Break ’09.