I realized today why I loathe physical activity: because I’m terribly out of shape. Before I lose you all because of my diatribe on my lack of physical prowess, I just figured I’d write a bit about my experience today because of how it was so much more than me being winded. I am painfully aware that I only need to look into the mirror to see where the problem lies on being out of shape (this isn’t me saying that I’m not strong enough or muscular enough or whatever), but that the only person who can motivate me to (as my mother says) get my ass into gear is me.
Weather in Indiana right now is pretty terrible, but I managed to go out on a run in between the crazy rain storms (and now tornado warning) around campus a bit. Besides not having any endurance (vicious cycle, eh?), I had a somewhat emotional moment as I ran out by the Intramural Sports fields on my way. The wind was blowing just enough, and I stopped, stood directly in the face of it and took in the view of the green fields and the DePauw Nature Park just behind it. It was a solidifying moment for me…in five weeks (give or take a couple of days) I won’t be here anymore. Although I’m sure you’ve all read enough about me struggling to cope with my life progressing, I just couldn’t believe how much the moment of being outside in the sun, with the wind in my face and the beautiful sight I was looking at was so real. To me, it’s an almost tangible moment in time that I will always be able to refer to and go “what a memory”. It seems like I’m having a lot of those these days, as I keep fighting the current of time to enjoy my time with my dear friends.
A song came up on my iPod as I was running, Yesterday by Atmosphere, which also kind of helped to solidify this moment in my mind. The main chorus of the song says, “Yesterday was that you?/Looked just like you/Strange things my imagination might do/Take a breath, reflect on what we’ve been through/Or am I just going crazy cause I miss you?” What struck me was the line about taking a breath and reflecting; I think it’s something that greatly neglect in our society. We’re always going, doing, reading, listening, tweeting and so on, but when do we stop and reflect? Reflection gives us time to process and enjoy our past at least a little bit, it allows us to see our mistakes and improve, it gives us resolve and persistence. I know I’ll be doing a lot of it in the next few weeks, hoping to solidify a lot more memories of time well spent.
-MJH