a trip to remember

The past three and a half days have been a complete and total blur…

Welcome to New York City.

I was fortunate enough to spend Thursday afternoon through this afternoon in Manhattan, traveling all over the place with one of my best friends from home. The primary purpose of the trip was to go see The Public Theater’s production of Twelfth Night as part of Shakespeare in the Park at the Delacorte Theater in Central Park. For those of you who don’t know, this year’s production is headlined with Anne Hathaway playing Viola, a fraternal twin separated from her brother Sebastian (confusion and hilarity ensues).

Before I get to Twelfth Night, I just want to recap the action of the past couple of days. First of all, United needs to work on figuring out how computers work. A glitch that causes a lot of flights to be cancelled is NOT cool. The decision to go with completely carry-on luggage paid off big time, as we managed to make a standby flight after both our original flight and our second flight had been cancelled. After arriving in NYC, besides raining torrentially for a bit, things settled down: dinner at the Moonrock Diner and The 39 Steps on Broadway made for a great first night.

Friday morning involved heading to The Top of the Rock and the NBC Experience Tour, both of which provided some interesting (and exciting) moments. We then ventured over to the Chrysler Building, the Daily News Building and the United Nations (which, for some reason, was closed). The coup d’etat, however, was seeing Twelfth Night at the Delacorte. (My immense gratitude goes out to Steve Showalter at the Public for the tickets; my time interning at the Public is paying back in more ways than I thought). Not only was the performance great, but meeting Anne Hathaway is always a plus. I mean, talk about not only a talented, gorgeous actress, but her willingness to stick around post-show and take photos and sign autographs made me wish all celebrities were as down to earth as she seems to be.

Independence Day was mostly spent visiting the Statue of Liberty and Ellis Island, a trip that’s worth it if you ever have the time for it. We didn’t have a chance to get tickets inside the Statue,  so we stuck on the ferry and took pictures from there. Ellis Island was the real treat here, as you walk the halls of where so many immigrants had once been with the hope of entering the United States. This was bookended with watching the Macy’s fireworks from the Chelsea Piers area, a sight worth seeing (although the amount of people there was almost un-Godly).

This morning involved a trip to the Metro Diner for breakfast and a flight home to Chicago from Newark International Airport. All in all, I enjoyed myself immensely and definitely will cherish this experience for years to come.

Now, on to Twelfth Night. Given the fact that I spent most of the show reciting it word for word (when you’re an actor in a show, you end up seeing it dozens of times, so it just happens), I could tell where cuts were made and where order may have been switched. However, I didn’t feel like any changes or cuts made detracted from the performance at all. On a personal note, the Twelfth Night cast at DePauw got cast shirts that have a line from the show on the back that the Public’s performance decided to omit, which I thought quite a shame: Feste, Act I, scene 5 “(For what says Quinapalus?) ‘Better a witty Fool than a foolish wit.’” (the non-parenthetical part is what’s on the shirt).

The set, albeit somewhat simple, fit the show perfectly, as it looked like a rolling green meadow that could have been pulled from Central Park itself, providing a beautiful backdrop for the outdoor Delacorte. The music (both incidental and what is performed by the characters) was written by the band Hem. It was quite breathtaking in its sound; I considered it very Irish-sounding, as it included the use of violins and the bodhran drum. The performances were fantastically executed. However, given the amount of time and work I spent playing the role of Feste, I must say I was a bit disappointed by David Pittu’s take on the character. And, yes,  I do realize that pitting myself against an established actor makes me sound like a hack, but I felt I should say something because, well, this is my blog, so tough nuts if you don’t like it . Pittu played the role a bit too smugly and jester-y for my likes. Feste is a “Fool”, indeed, but I felt the character should have been approached more as a grisled veteran who knows the story but is content with slyly commentating, rather than a mocking jester who’s silly for silly’s sake. This is not to say that I don’t respect or appreciate the work Pittu did; if I had gone to Central Park and watched him play the character exactly the way I did, I think I probably would have found something to complain about as well. As such, I’m happy with celebrating (and appreciating) the differences in approach (even if I didn’t find it as appetizing as others.)

In all,  the blur that was the past three and a half days was totally worth it. There’s really nothing like seeing live theater executed well, enjoying the atmosphere of a bustling city and catching up with familiar faces.

-MJH

P.S. If you’re reading this Anne Hathaway, call me, we’ll do lunch.

summer part II

Only about six weeks before I head back to Greencastle for my junior year at DePauw…a somewhat intimidating proposition, but a truth nonetheless.

I just got back from one of the most fulfilling weeks of my life (as it usually is) Teen Service Week. Teen Service Week is a week-long service retreat in the city of Chicago, involving teens from all over (Chicago and its suburbs, Marengo IL and even Wisconsin!) doing service and reflecting on how that service matters and impacts their lives, as well as reasons behind that service (why is it needed? what sorts of issues are behind the service being done?).  I served as a Peer Minister this year on the week, my second year doing so, and I had a great time working with my Peer Ministry partner. I think we both learned and grew from one another, and worked really well together, which made the week a great experience overall. It is so inspiring to see a group of young people who enjoy doing service and to see them reflect on their lives and where their faith fits into all of that. That said, this week was not an exclusively Catholic affair. One of our leaders is a member of the Lutheran faith and one of the teens is Presbyterian, so I hope our very open manner of prayer and reflection helped them feel included in our community of service and prayer.

The week helped me create some very solid goals and has made me realized how I’ve minimized the role of service in my life, and how I have taken some things for granted in my life. One of the biggest offenses I feel I’ve committed is how I’ve taken some of the relationships in my life for granted, which I realized fairly early in the week and came fully to light as me and my Peer Ministry partner were planning our prayer for Wednesday night and we found and used this quote from Albert Schweitzer:

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.”

Everyone on Teen Service Week this week lit (or rejuvenated) my light this week, and for that I thank you. Thank you to the rest of you who are my “spark” as well (hopefully you know who you are at this point).

Now I ask you who are reading this to do two things:
1) listen to “If You’re Out There” by John Legend; it was the theme song for this year’s Teen Service Week, it’s an inspirational call to service
2) go “out there” and be someone’s spark, and thank those who have sparked your own life.

-MJH

summer part I

I realized recently (and by recently I mean today) that it had been quite some time since I had last posted. Given that the semester has been over for almost three weeks now, I certainly have no excuse.

But here we are.

I can confidently say this summer has been moderately productive. I have already been Food Service Certified for the state of Illinois and the city of Chicago (exciting, right?). I’ve read The Grapes of Wrath (which I’ve owned since my sophomore year in high school, so it took me long enough). I’m doing pretty well in my summer class (Statistics in Daily Life). I am actually practicing piano (I know, try not to have a heart attack, geez). And, finally, I’ve started arranging for DePauwCappella again (less frustrating when you actually have time to do it).

Even with all of this, I have been pondering the nature of relationships. It doesn’t even necessarily have to be the romantic kind that everyone thinks of when the word “relationship” is used. I think one of the most interesting (and potentially frustrating) things about our relationships is the kind of dynamic that we establish or find ourselves in during the course of that relationship.

This crossed my mind as I made my bed this evening and turned on the radio. An old Billy Dean song (yes, country music, eye-roll, are we done now?) was playing and the lyrics go like this:

So let’s leave it alone, ’cause we can’t see eye to eye.
There ain’t no good guys, there ain’t no bad guys.
There’s only you and me and we just disagree.

And, besides its gratuitous use of the word “ain’t”, there’s a fair amount of wisdom there. Even though people may not agree with one another all the time, that doesn’t make them friends any less. A disagreement about anything shouldn’t lessen the foundation that has been built between those two people. If one of those two people doesn’t realize what’s there, or sees it in terms of “good guys” and “bad guys”, that relationship is doomed.

However, beyond that, the dynamic of that relationship needs to be thought of as well. If one person is always giving of themselves, or thinks of it in terms of what the other person’s not doing, the value of that relationship is diminished because the relationship isn’t being appreciated for what it is, but, rather, for what it is not. Certainly, it’s absurd to say that one should have no expectations for a relationship, because, whether we admit it or not, we all have expectations. The people who say they don’t have expectations for anything have probably faced a fair amount of disappointment, and would rather think they have no expectations than admit that they haven’t had the best of luck with their expectations.

But, indeed, relationships are a complicated matter. The only single thing I can offer up about relationships that makes any sense is that you have to trust your counterpart in any kind of relationship. Not just trust them, but trust in the fact that, if that relationship is strong enough, things will work out for the best for everyone, even if there are moments that that fact seems very dim in present light.

As, in the wisdom of The Fray, “sometimes the hardest thing, and the right thing, are the same”.

-MJH

frustration abundant

Here I sit, (technically) Sunday morning of finals week, with next to no inspiration to do anything.

I just got back from practicing for the playing portion of my Percussion Techniques final (for which I am extremely- emphasis on extremely- screwed) and I just can’t find any sort of motivation to get through this week.

I don’t know exactly what it is that’s holding me back; I should be scared out of my mind on how poorly I could possibly do on my finals to be motivated enough to study and do well on them.

But all I can think about is the fact that 1) in less than a week I won’t have to worry about this crap and 2) that, in the long run, a test should not ultimately determine how I do.

If you think about it, the mentality of tests and projects and the last two weeks of the semester is completely fabricated. That “Oh my God, this is the most important thing ever” mentality isn’t something that should dominate your life after you leave college. Life outside of a learning institution doesn’t consist of quizzes, exams, papers and group projects. You’re not going to head to your job and have your employer tell you that you better bone up on your reading material because I’m going to give an exam next week covering the entire book. That’s absurdly ridiculous.

And yet, that’s how we function. Am I saying I possess a better way of learning or assessment? Absolutely not. I’m just displeased with the way things are. 

The way I see it, this “Oh my God” mentality inhibits learning more than encourages it. If you constantly feel under pressure to learn something and then execute it well, is that healthy at all? Shouldn’t the end game be that the learning done is made second-nature, so that the teacher replaces him or herself? 

And yet, whilst I debate these existential questions about how learning should be done, I can feel by GPA sinking because of the fact that I probably won’t do extremely well on finals. How sad is that?

Honestly?

-MJH

getting creative

Boy has it been a while since I was here…only (a little less than) three weeks left in this semester. Hopefully it all ends with all of our limbs (and minds) in tact. 

I decided to get creative and write a little story; enjoy!

A several month old Sudoku puzzle sat on his desk. He sat there staring at the boxes with numbers, trying to make sense of it. He’d always been good at the puzzle- he took great satisfaction in seeing how the patterns worked and figuring it all out.

He had found the puzzle in a bus station a few weeks previously and decided to work on it- even though it was alreday months old at that point. Things were going smoothly as he started, numbers falling into place, everything making sense…

Then, all of a sudden, it stopped…no matter what possibilities he played in his head, the numbers stopped fitting, The puzzle that he thought he knew, that he thought made sense, had become this incomprehensible jumble that, at this point, frustrated him.

The more he thought about it, the less it made sense. How could something that had made so much sense previously, that seemed so tangible, so achievable, just stop being so?

He had put it aside numerous times- hours, even days. Yet, when he came back to it, he could find no answers, no solace in the puzzle. But, for some reason, he always came back to it- thinking that another look, another attempt would give him the combination he so desperately sought.

Unfortunately, he saw nothing. The frustration turned to apathy. He began to wonder why he even bothered with the puzzle in the first place. A wave of disappointment came over him. What the thought he knew, he didn’t…so what did he know?

So he thought, “One more look, maybe that’s it.” He gazed down at the gray newsprint, but nothing clicked. He drew a breath, picked it up and threw the puzzle away.

“Why frustrate yourself with what you can’t figure out?” he thought to himself as he walked away from the trashcan.

This time, the puzzle held no answer for him.

 

-MJH

do unto others…

Yet another hectic week here at old DePauw…rehearsals, classwork and…well that’s basically it.

Even as much as I complain about being overcommitted, I certainly love working in music and the theater. It’s so refreshing to get together with a group of people and create something.

That said, sometimes it’s a pain in the ass.

After a rigorous Tommy choreography session, which made me extremely frustrated because 1) it took so long because people weren’t paying attention and 2) I was angry with myself about not being able to get the steps right, I was greeted with multiple tongue-in-cheek comments about my dance skills.

I consider myself fortunate that God blessed me with the ability to sing and act. Unfortunately, I was not blessed with the ability to dance. And even in spite of the fact that I’m  up there actually trying and getting frustrated about it , I still get snide remarks about how people “like” my dancing. It’s a real affirmation; thanks all.

This parade of “compliments” continued on in my rehearsal for DePauwCappella, where I found a section particularly difficult and simply couldn’t hear my note, and I get remarks about how we can’t play notes in rehearsal anymore and that it’s not right. I know it’s not right; if I didn’t I don’t think I’d be in a school for music…

I certainly don’t want to sound like I’m whining, because I’m not; I just wish people would have a little more consideration for the way others take things. That, in fact, is one of the biggest problems I’ve ever seen at DePauw:  so many people lack perspective, and all too willingly get wrapped up in their own affairs to give a crap about anything or anyone else. I think that’s one of the reasons why I joined my fraternity, because the men here do have that much needed perspective and are so considerate that I value my time with them quite highly.

But I digress, mainly because perspective is one of the biggest problems in the world overall; if we had a better understanding of others’ points of view and they of ours, would war or conflict exist? I certainly think not.

This Fool forges on…

-MJH

happy endings happen all the time

Well Spring Break has (basically) come to an end. By this time tomorrow, I will be back on campus to hack my way through the rest of the semester.

Never before have I felt more apathetic, or even angry, about going back to campus after a break. It’s quite odd, mainly because I’ve never felt like this before.

I remember very intensely after Winter Term last year how much I didn’t want to go back because I knew I’d be homesick (I spent last Winter Term doing an internship in Chicago, so I spent seven weeks with my family concurrently). This is an extremely different feeling…I just feel done with it all (and not in a “I’m so above this” sort of way). I’m tired, emotionally, physically and mentally.

And yet, I know I can’t stay here at home. It’s almost not real. I got to sit through three hours of being patronized and lectured by my voice teacher from here and realized that, if I were here, I’d have to continue getting this kind of treatment. This is not to say that I don’t love or appreciate my teacher for what she’s done for me- I mean, without her, I probably wouldn’t be where I am right now. In fact, I haven’t a clue what I would be doing, so I am grateful for that.

It’s times like these that I’m reminded of what I’ve heard so many times from my mom- that, in a weird way, everything seems to work out for the best. I believe in God, heck I even go to church every week, but I still find it odd how things play out sometimes. Maybe if my faith was stronger, I would default to the mindset that everything’s going to be alright, but it’s not, which is probably why I find it so weird.

“Look to God, do not be afraid” is what I think at times like this, when I get all “woe is me” in a funk. It’s from one of my favorite church songs. I can still remember the first time I ever heard it, I was singing with my church choir and we performed it before the service on Thanksgiving Day (it’s entitled “In the Lord, I’ll be ever thankful”, so that only makes sense).

There is a light at the end of the tunnel…I just have to learn how to enjoy the time in the tunnel itself

-MJ

the one thing I believe

Finally made it to Spring Break, and realized that I hadn’t been here in a while.

One of the hardest things to fathom is that, in about 8 weeks, I will have completed my second year at DePauw, my half way point. I’ve learned, laughed, grown and spent time with wonderful people.

Yet, somehow, I find myself in the midst of emotional turmoil that I am so unsure of it scares me. It’s not even the turmoil itself that bothers me, but the fact that I just don’t know what to do.

I’m hoping this week away from DePauw allows me to clear my head, my thoughts, sort out my feelings and come back renewed to take on the world again. I want to rest, run, practice, learn, laugh and just relax (doesn’t really sound like relaxing if I put it all like that, but I’m sure I’ll figure it out along the way).

I’ve always believed that I could figure things out along the way, and yet that’s not always true. Just spending two years at DePauw has shown me how valuable preparation is to anything one does, and I’m constantly in awe of those people who are aware of it enough to do it and do it well. 

The funny thing about emotions is how mercurial, fickle and changing they can be. It’s never as clear cut as we all wish they could be. We spend time in gray areas, not knowing what to do, where to go and how to react. Sometimes these gray areas are defining in our lives,  sometimes they are agonizingly confusing, leaving us to wonder at what we’ve done (or not done) and sometimes (to quote U2) it leaves us stuck in a moment we can’t get out of.

The ironic thing about that song is that it ends with “It’s just a moment/This time will pass”. At times, it’s really hard to see the light at the end of that tunnel, to think that things will be different than the way they are, mainly because of the unknown that comes with that change-if the difference will be good or bad.

Let’s see where this journey takes us…Spring Break ‘09.

Signed Sincerely,
Me

-MJH

Alas, poor fool, how have they baffled thee

Today marked the end of what I consider to be one of my greatest experiences as an actor ever.

Today was the last performance of William Shakespeare’s Twelfth Night, a special morning matinee for Greencastle High School students. I can honestly say that it marked the end of what was an amazing (yet short) run for the troupe personally referred to as “The Twelve”.

There’s so much to be said about the abilities and talents of the eleven people that I acted with, grew close to and honestly love. The sense of camaraderie and ensemble among us made the work that we did truly magical, and I think typifies what a theatrical performance should be: the live embodiment of a work of art; a living, breathing thing that you can watch and wonder at, and see develop and grow and change and, at the end of the day, be very proud of. 

I cannot say that I have done anything significant (on a large scale) in my life as an actor thus far, but I can say that this is an experience that goes so much further than acting. It extends to life, love, personality, character and internal growth.

 But, as the beautifully talented Amy Gaither Hayes put to us in song, there is no need to say goodbye. I would rather think of it as a “see you later”, with fervent hope that we never forget the beautifully magical work that we shared together.

Food for thought:  A quote from Public Theater founder Joe Papp, that encapsulates the beauty of ensemble, “You have to work with people who are compatible if you’re really going to create something.”

-MJH

dealing with loss

Today I received news that the husband of a very good friend of mine from home had died. I knew this man fairly well and had sung with his wife in my parish choir for four years. Needless to say, he meant quite a bit to me, and his loss hit me hard. My heart goes out to his wife and their family, as I know that this is a huge loss and may seem to be extremely unfair.

To an extent, it is unfair. It’s hard to believe that, the next time I go home, I won’t see him, and I know his wife will still be in a state of distress. It’s times like this that I wish I could be at home, or that home was a bit more accessible than it is. It pains me so much to not be able to be there for her and all of those affected by his loss.

Unfortunately, we all have to find a way to move on with our lives. The world kind of sucks like that; thinking that one can just “move on” from such a horrible loss is awfully mind-boggling. And yet, I know that tomorrow I’m going to have to get up, go to class, go to rehearsal and try to not let it get me down.

I can’t even imagine the loss that their family is feeling, and yet I am constantly aware of the fact that I will have to deal with loss like that some time in my life. (If you haven’t picked up on this yet, I can be morbidly depressing at times). Sometimes it scares me to think that I will lose the people close to me in my life; I really wish I didn’t entertain such thoughts, or even give it any thought at all.

But that’s always been a problem of mine: I overthink things. I take things and blow them up so much, or tear them down so much, that I practically drive myself crazy. 

A friend brought up personality tests recently, and I found one that I took at the beginning of school last year; apparently I am an ESFJ (Extraverted Sensing Feeling Judging). I was looking over the descriptors and I found one that was especially poignant at this time: “ESFJs are easily wounded. And when wounded, their emotions will not be contained. They by nature ‘wear their hearts on their sleeves,’ often exuding warmth and bonhomie, but not infrequently boiling over with the vexation of their souls. Some ESFJs channel these vibrant emotions into moving dramatic performances on stage and screen.”

I was watching our performance of Twelfth Night tonight and saw the beauty of the love story; that, in spite of misunderstandings, love conquers all. I realized something else at the end as well:

The Fool ends up alone.

-MJH